Paragraphs On My Wrists

Kapag nagsabi ka sa iba na malungkot ka, o depressed ka, o hindi mo maintindihan sarili mo... minsan napapagod sila. Minsan sinasabihan ka nalang na madrama ka o maarte, or hindi mo tinutulungan sarili mong maging masaya.

But once words are used in poetry, it becomes art sa mata at pandinig nila. You become 'deep', 'romantic', 'passionate', etc. They eat your words like chocolate and drink your emotions like wine.

Finally, you have a voice. Finally, they listen.

But to you, it's all the same. The pain, the sadness, the eerie silence, the void, the darkness. 

You see, in our society, you are only allowed to express your cry of help if you can make it attractive and pretty.

Pero paano yung mga hindi nakakagawa ng kanta, ng tula, ng drawing na papasa sa mata nila? Oh, you'll see them write, okay. Paragraphs or wordless feelings, written down on lines you'd find on their wrists, their arms, or their thighs. 

Sentences. Complete thoughts written across the prison of their skin.

- Shine

12/30/2015

Katahimikan

 

Akala nang iba, mahilig ako sa katahimikan. Talaga ba? O sadya lang ‘di ka naglaan ng oras para mas lalo ako makilala? Bakit ang dali nating makuntento sa unang impresyon ‘pag tumitingin sa iba, samantalang tayo mismo ay ayaw na satin may madaling humuhusga?

 

Tahimik ba ‘ko? Mayabang? Mapangmata? Bakit nakuntento ka sa negatibong isipin mo sa kapwa, imbis na gumawa ng paraan para mapatunayan kung nasa mali ka o tama?

 

Suplada. Teka, ‘di ko maisip kailan ko pa nagging responsibilidad na bigyan ka ng kaaliwan. Kailan? Nung nagkakasalubong tayo na hindi man lang kita natignan, o yung nagkasabay tayo na isang tanong, isang sagot lang ang usapan?

 

Tahimik ba ‘ko? Hindi mo lang alam, pero ang ingay.

Hindi ko napapansin ang paligid kadalasan dahil sa haba ng aking salaysay.

 

May makitang maliit na detalye, meron nang naalala.

May maamoy na pabango sa mga estante, sa ibang panahon ako biglang nadadala.

 

May matikman lang na pagkain, may marinig na tugtugin, makadaan man lang sa pamilyar na tanawin, o kahit madampian man lang sa mukha ng malamig na hangin… nalulunod ako sa emosyon na bumabalot sa’king damdamin, at nabibingi ako sa diskusyon na umaalingawngaw sa utak kong may sariling usapin.

 

Sa isang sulok ng sarili kong mundo,

Lagi akong nabibingi nang dahil sa sarili kong ingay at sarili kong gulo.

 

 

Hindi po tahimik. Maingay kapag ako’y nag-iisa.

Hindi ka lang talaga kasi nagtiyagang makinig… sa aking mga mata.

 

 

 

Magic

'Mystery' as they say is
for the things that are unknown
Unfamiliar to our senses,
explanations aren't shown
But when we talk,

the more you say, the more I get mystified
I want more, so I crave,
but still I'm unsatisfied

There is something inexplainable
so let me just call it magic,
My senses go on overdrive --- these all
goes against logic
Please talk to me once again
for I terribly miss your presence
So near, yet so far --- building intensity
that never lessens

Shine, 2013

Bitterness | Throwback

Yeah, I lost in your stupid game
I was just your pastime, it's such a shame
But though you've fooled me and played with my heart
And made me believe that we'd never part

Someday you'll get back the pain you've caused me
But it would be more painful, just wait and see
I've been your bitch, your toy, your friend
After you're done with me, you just cut me off in the end

You think it's funny? Letting me take the fall?
Watching me cry for help, looking at me as if I'm your doll
That you can just hug, or kiss, or talk to
And if you wanna prick with a needle, you'd just do

But you know what? Mark my words
For you it will not be needles, but rather swords
You'd feel fucked up, low and dying
You'd feel hollow and torn, you'd be crying

Crying without knowing the reason why
Your life will be black like what you did to mine
And on that day I'd laugh out loud
You took me for granted, now it's your round

Count on it, your time will come
'Cause as I chant this, it would reach its home
It's for you, you know who you are

Wait for your turn... it's not that far

Shine, 2008

Profound Nothingness | Throwback

"The high volume of my coffee intake today did nothing to improve my mood.

There really is solace in oblivion. Heightened awareness gives off higher capacity for sympathy and empathy, causing one's supply of energy to be easily depleted.

I don't even miss anyone for I know it is a lost cause. It's the lack of entity to miss... the nothingness is so profound.

You were/are/will never be mine. Whilst I am unconditionally yours.

Emptiness prevails."

- Shine Bennet

08/03/2015

A Message I Sent to an Ex | Throwback

"...nandun pa yung love. Alam mo bakit may part na lagi kang naguguluhan sakin?? Kasi ‘yun yung part na ‘di mo makuha yung dahilan kung bakit mahal kita. You always try to look for the reason kasi.

‘Di mo matanggap na mahal kita. As in yun lang talaga.

I will always love you, no matter what. Napatunayan mo na ‘yon just in case you doubt it now, kasi the "no matter what" part was even bigger before, diba? You kept doing stunts to make me cry, make me break down, make me jealous, make me soooo down and confused. Lahat na nang pagtulak ata nagawa mo na eh. But I stayed. Kasi nga, despite all of it, I love you.

Paanong nangyari na nawala tayo?

Ako ba? Ikaw yung unsure. Ikaw yung malikot. Ikaw yung ‘di mapakali. Ngayon pa ba sa palagay mo mawawala yung ganun katinding love, kung ngayong ‘di mo ako masaktan? Kung yung super sakit, ‘di mo mapawala ung feelings, ngayon pa ba na wala ka na to cause me pain?

There is no ‘us’ anymore because I wanted you to be happy. My greatest sacrifice was that kahit ‘di nagbabago yung love ko, I let you go.

I will always be the love story you once had that would have made millions cry... and with the love I was willing to share, you would have expected it to go on within this lifetime. The kind of loyalty and love na pilit hinahanap ng mga tao.

I know this not because I’m bragging. I know this, kasi alam ko lahaaaat ng tumakbo sa isip ko at pinagdaanan ko. Yung ganun kasakit pero nasasabi ko paring mahal kita.
We are where we are because you decided to go against what we had.

Masaya ka ba? Masaya ka ba, na nanalo kang itulak ako palayo?


Five years from now, would you still remember the girl who cared for you with all her heart?

This entire message isn’t a ‘WHAT IF’ anymore. It’s about ‘I LOVE YOU… BUT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?’."

Coffee Addiction, Love Affliction

Shitty days make me wanna call you. Just to hear your voice. Let's talk about shitty stuff. Not exactly about my shitty day. Just anything. An excuse to hear your voice.

But I don't have that luxury. So I dream about talking to you, for a few seconds. Then I suck it up. Suck it all up.

Just like coffee. I want coffee right now. I can have coffee. Coffee is good. Coffee is attainable. So, shitty day, shitty mood... I'd get coffee. Suck it up then coffee.

Sounds like a plan. Cool.

-Shine Bennet